It's Getting Close!

Hello Everyone - Well, we've made it to hump day. It's been rough the past few days and nights. I haven't slept well, BUT last night was my first night to get a good night sleep. Thank goodness. I was going crazy! My spirits are much higher today. Josh and I are very positive and remaining hopeful for Friday's news. Keep those prayers coming. We love you! Ang

Our Little Embryos!

Can't Sleep

Tonight is the first night since my Wednesday procedure that I haven't been able to fall asleep due to my mind wondering.  That's pretty good I suppose, I've managed to keep myself (and mind) very busy over the weekend.  It's hard to explain how I'm feeling right now.  I'm mostly scared and then a part of me is excited, but not the jumping up and down, blood rushing excitement.  It's more like an unsure excitement.  A fearful excitement.  In other words, I want to be very excited for Friday's news, but I have to hold back and be cautious to protect myself from the possibility of bad news.  I just feel so vulnerable.  Like I've taken my heart and soul and everything that makes me, me and put it all out on the table.  As if I were in Vegas, with my last bit of hope to win BIG.  

I've always known that I'm a surviver.  All I've been through in my life has made me very strong, but I begin to wonder, when do you stop being the surviver?  When have you been through enough to be able to say that you survived and now you can live a peaceful life?  Does that ever come or is it once a surviver, always a surviver?  Is it a curse to be so strong?  Will I keep being challenged the rest of my life just to see how strong I really am?  I guess I just don't understand how life can come so easy for some and others have to continue to fight, to be strong and to stand up against all odds.  Don't get me wrong.  I know that I'm very blessed  with all that I have, but I didn't get where I'm at in my life without a lot of struggles.  So why is that?  Why do I have to continue to "go through so much" to prove my strength?  I know God won't give me more than I can handle, but what does that really mean?  With each trial in my life, I've come out a stronger person, so in turn next time around, I can handle even more.....right?  Why can't being strong, just be enough?  Why must I continue to be tested?  I guess, only God can give me those answers.  

I know many of you have left me messages or sent me an email that I haven't responded to.  I promise, I will.  I've been on the phone a lot over the weekend and at times needed a break from the phone and email.  I truly appreciate the overwhelming support and PLEASE continue...I need it!  I just need time to get back to you, so please know that I'm thinking of you too and I very much appreciate your prayers and support.  

I better try to get some sleep.  I have a big week ahead of me. 

Love,

Ang

Coming Out Of Bed Rest

Hello Everybody!  I'm starting to get up off the couch today.  The past few days have gone by very quick, but I expect that the week ahead will feel like forever.  I posted the wrong date on my blog as to when Josh and I will find out if this was successful.  It's a day sooner!  We will know one week from right now!  The afternoon on Friday, Feb 1st.  I go in at 7:30 a.m. for my blood test and the clinic will call with results in the afternoon....now that will be a LONG day!  

I had my mother-in-law post for everyone on Wednesday so you wouldn't have to wait until today to hear from me.  To add just a little more to the story.....I had prayed several nights in a row before Wednesday's procedure that Josh and I wouldn't have a tough decision to make regarding the 3 embryos.  I really struggled with the issue of possibly leaving 1 behind, as standard practice is to only transfer 2.  When the doc and embryologist came in to discuss options with me it became very clear, very quickly that all 3 should be transferred.  As Kim said, 2 looked good and the other was lagging behind by 1 day.  That doesn't mean that the 3rd was no good, it just meant that they didn't know for sure if that embryo would continue to grow and possibly become the best out of the 3.  Since the other 2 were "good" for day 5 embryos, it was an appropriate decision to transfer all 3....keep in mind, they wouldn't have done it if the other 2 looked "great" as day 5 embryos.  Of course, my first concern was the possibility of triplets.  EEEKKKKSSS!  The doc said it would be highly unlikely that all 3 would take and that's why he was comfortable transferring all 3.  Now, of course docs can be proven wrong can't they.  

I'm not saying we want triplets out of this and I will stick with the doc and believe that it is unlikely, but I do have to say that I feel so blessed to know that I won't have to look back on this experience and say "what if".  What if, we left the lonely 3rd one behind and we didn't get pregnant.  I have thanked God over and over for the blessing to have all 3 of our embryos transferred.  What happens now, is all up to Him!!!

We love you all!

Ang and Josh 

Successful Transfer

Great News...My doctor and embryologist suggested we transfer all three embryo's as two were at the stage they needed and the other was a day behind.  They felt it boosted our odds for a successful  pregnancy.  I told them I would need to talk to Josh first and of course he said yes!  They took me into the transfer room where I was able to see the three beautiful embryo's on a screen and then they did the transfer!  It was so awesome to finally have them in me.  They sent home a photo of our three embryo's and Josh's mom and I have been starring at them in awe.  We need everyone's prayers that one or more will grab on tight.  You all have been so great and faithful with your prayers and God is listening!  We will be returning on Feb. 2nd for a pregnancy test.  I'll keep in touch and I love you all.

Love,

Josh, Ang & Hunter 

Amazing News!

The clinic finally called this morning.  Our 3 embryos look great!  They are all the same size and shape.  This means, we will probably transfer 2 today.  I just can't believe it....we are SO excited!  Your prayers and support are oh so needed.  This is only the beginning.  The theme for the next several days is, "Hatch and Attach"!  Did you know that human eggs actually hatch first?  Amazing, there's a hard shell they break from in the uterus and then they begin to try and attach.  More info for my book some day.  I check-in today at 10:45 and the transfer will start around 11:30.  Send good vibes during that timeframe, please.  I have to be down for several days, so I will update my blog late Friday.  We love you all!  Ang and Josh

Frustrated

The lab never returned my calls today.  I called several times and they were too busy to talk and said they needed to call me back.  My final attempt to reach them was at 4:40...they closed at 4:30.  I left a message with their answering service and no one has called me back.  I guess I will find out what's going on at my appointment tomorrow.  We are just trying to remain calm and keep our minds off of any doubts.  Please, Please send strong prayers our way tonight and tomorrow morning.  I have no clue what to expect at my appointment...I just pray that it will be positive news.  I wanted to ease my mind today by getting a response from the clinic, instead as a result of them not calling me back I became very stressed.  That's not what I wanted the night before my transfer.  I've pulled myself together and have turned to God.  I know he's taking care of our embryos and I just have to trust him.  Love, Ang 

So Hard To Wait!

I called the lab this morning to check on our embryos. The nurse said the lab was very busy today and wouldn't be able to get back to me until this afternoon. I'm going crazy waiting for them to call me back. I hope all is ok for tomorrow. I will post as soon as I know something. Love, Ang

Anxiously Waiting

Hello Everyone - Today, it took all I had not to call the clinic to check on our little Currie embryos.  I hope they are doing ok.  I'm sure the clinic would have called if something happened.  Josh and I are getting really, really excited....a little scared and nervous as well.  I'm planning to call the clinic tomorrow if they don't call me by Noon.  I just need to know what's going on!  I will post as soon as I hear something.  Keep those prayers going strong.  We need the few embryos we have to be very healthy and strong for Wednesday.  We love you all!  Ang and Josh

News from the Lab

Good Morning Everyone -  3 of the 7 fertilized last night.  This is great news!  I really only had 3 good quality eggs yesterday, but they took all 7 just to see what would happen.  We truly feel so blessed that all 3 of my quality eggs did their job.  They could have called to say none or only 1....we have 3 Currie embryos now!!

She did want us to know that not all fertilized embryos make it to day 5, which is my transfer day (Wednesday, 1/23).  She said, if 1 makes it that's great, if 2 make it that would be wonderful and if all 3 make it that would be supurb.  Just so you all know, if they all 3 look great and make it, they probably will only let us transfer 2.  With my size and just to have a healthy pregnancy, they've already told us previously they would only consider 2 as a max for me.  We'll know more on Tuesday.  

Just a little side note: I went and had chinese food Thursday night and here's what my fortune cookie said: "Your present plans are going to succeed within the year."  WOW!  I'm going to believe this one. 

Please keep sending your prayers.  The theme this week is "Healthy Embryos"!  We love you and can't wait to share even more exciting news with you next week.  

Have a great weekend!

Love, 

Ang and Josh

Resting @ Home

Today was a huge success!  7 eggs were retrieved this morning.  As soon as I came to, the doctor came in to share the news with Josh and I.  As soon as she said seven, I started crying.  We are just so blessed!  

Trusting God and allowing each one of you to go through this with us has just proven to me that you can't do it alone.  I used to be the person who wanted to control everything......from my emotions to you have to have a good job before you can do this, you have to take care of these things before this can happen, wait to do this or that until everything is "perfect".  It's amazing how easy things go when you just LET GO of all of that and let God walk with you through your journey of life.

I'm pretty tired still, so I'm going to get some more rest.  Tomorrow the lab will call to tell us how many of the 7 fertilize.  Not sure what time of day that will be.  Keep checking.  Thank you so much for all of your continued support and prayers.  

We love you!

Ang and Josh   

Prayers for Tomorrow

My ultrasound today confirmed that there are 3 eggs big enough to retrieve tomorrow. One other may reach the size we need by tomorrow morning. I check-in for my surgery at 7:15 AM. The procedure starts at 8:00 AM and I should be on my way home by 9:30. I will update my blog tomorrow to let you know just how many eggs they retrieve. Then, check the site on Saturday as the lab will call me to tell me how many of my eggs fertilize. I'm getting SO excited!

Please pray that our eggs are handled with care tomorrow. I love my clinic and all the doctors, nurses and lab techs, it's a wonderful place and I trust them 110%.

Stay tuned.....

Love,
Ang and Josh

Blood Count #

My number today is 2,264....my nurse says that's a GREAT #. All is still on track for Friday morning. I have to go back to the doc tomorrow for one last ultrasound. I will let you know if anymore follicles have reached the minimum of 18 mm's after tomorrow's appointment. Love you all. Ang

Wow....Amazing News!

Hello Everyone - Guess how many follicles were spotted today.........10, yes I know hard to believe. This doesn't mean that they will take 10 on Friday at the retrieval as only 2 are the size we need them to be (at least 18 mm's). It's very promising though to think that right now I have 2 for sure and then there's about 4 that may or may not grow to the minimum size by Friday. The remaining 4 are just too small to mature by Friday. Either way, I'm just so excited! My doc said it only takes 1 and I know they are going to be VERY careful with our eggies.

He actually told me an inspiring story today. He said there's a girl my same age with the same severe endomitriosis and they only ended up transferring 1 fertilized egg in her. She's pregnant now. He said that's proof that it only takes 1! That really made my day today.

Josh's mom went with me and thank goodness. I had a whole list of questions to ask that we came up with in the car ride there and of course I forgot the most important ones. Kim spoke up though and we got all of our questions answered. She's going to be the best Grandma!

All's a go for Friday. I check-in for my surgery at 7:15 AM. Eeks...they like to do things early. Josh will be with me. He has to give his contribution and then wait for me to wake up from the anesthesia. I will know for sure how many they get out of me before I leave the clinic on Friday. Then, either 3 or 5 days after that, I will know how many fertilize and how many they will transfer in me. The transfer will take place then as well. So early next week I could have fertilized eggies in me. Wow...I can't believe how quickly things turn around and how exciting this really is.

Ok everyone, we still have work to do! Please pray for healthy eggies. My motto is; it's not about quantity, it's about quality!

Here's a Wednesday fact for those of you who don't know: a follicle contains an egg and protects the egg as it matures. When the egg has reached masturation (which means it's at least 18mm in size) it breaks awary from the follicle wall and releases from the follicle (this is ovulation). So right now I refer to them as follicles, but Friday when the doc retrieves them, they are eggs. I'm pretty sure I will be writing a book after all of this! : )

I will keep everyone updated over the weekend. Wish us luck!

Lots of love,
Ang and Josh

Blood Count #'s

Hello All - I forgot to post my number from Sunday, it went from 363 to 1,053. Today it's 1,699. That's good. As this number goes up the follicles are growing. My next appointment is tomorrow at 9:00 AM. I will find out about the retrieval procedures and the trigger shot (the one in the back) that I will need before Friday. Eeks! They are keeping me on my high dose of meds today and tomorrow...then I get a day off from the shots on Thursday. Yippie! Love, Ang

Good News/Not So Good News

Hello Everyone -

Ok....(good news) I'm moving forward with retrieval of my eggs on Friday morning. I went in today and I'm down to 4 follicles (not so good news). Doc says that's probably all they will be taking. I have two others showing but they won't be the size we need in time. (good news) Those 4 follicles are growing and healthy. One is already 18 mm in size which is the minimum they need to be to retrieve. The others are between 12.5 - 14.2. Those should be to the 18 mm by Friday.

Merlinda was with me at my appointment and she's really good about speaking up and asking lots of questions. We found out today that someone my age with no problems should produce 15-20 follicles, but because my endometriosis is so severe, this is all I will produce on the meds. This answers a lot of questions about the past few years. If I only produce 4-6 on a high dose of stimulating meds, I'm probably not producing any on my own or it's really hit and miss.

Eggs get damaged through-out the IVF process and some may not fertilize. We will only have 4, so it's all in God's hands now. All we can do is pray that one will do what it needs to do. As I mentioned before, it's going to take a miracle and we have no reason to not believe that it can happen.

I've been talking with my sister about this whole process. She has gone to appointments with me as well. We are all SO invested in this. If this doesn't work, my next step is egg donation. Sheila has already stepped-up and agreed to donate her eggs. She's truly amazing. She's always been the big sis who took care of me and it's very ironic to think that this may be a road we go down together. That's the next step though and right now, we are going to remain hopeful and trust God.

Thank you to everyone who's reading my blog and sending me email and text messages. I love you all very much and probably wouldn't stay sane without your encouraging words.

On another note, Josh just found out that next week he will begin working 6 days a week, M-Sat and working 10 hour days. This will go on for several months. With that said, I will need each and every one of you over the next few weeks. Especially after the transfer next week (when they put fertilized eggs in me and I have to wait to find out if it worked). Movies, shopping, dinner whatever....I will need to keep my mind busy. Email me your schedule as of late next week and we'll start planning stuff.

We love you!
Ang and Josh

Emotional Rollercoaster Ride.....

Good Morning Everyone - Well, my last post was a bit emotional. I'm sure the meds that I'm on don't help the situation. My nickname right now is "Hormonal Hilda".

Today, is a new day though and I'm going to do my very best to remain positive and hopeful. I know God has a plan for us and this may or may not be it. All we can do is try everything we possibly can and know that when we look back on this we can truly say that we did everything in our power and left no stone unturned. I don't want to have to look back and say "what if", so we must keep moving forward.

Many people go through situations where "chances are slim" and miracles happen. That's what I'm holding onto today. That thought of a miracle.

Please continue to pray for some better news tomorrow.

Love,
Ang

Need You More Than Ever!

Hello Everyone -  Today's appointment didn't bring the news we were hoping for.  I'm back down to 5 follicles.  By retrieval day these follicles must be at least 18 mm in size.  Today, my biggest was 12.5 and all others were between 8-10.  This means that I will not proceed on Tuesday.  If the follicles continue to grow it will be more like Thursday or Friday.  I have to admit...this is not promising news.  For my age I should have at least 15-20 follicles with the high dose of meds that I'm on.  As a matter of fact, this would be expected out of someone much older than me.  My chances of success have dwindled quit a bit, not to mention our finances.  I've had to order way more meds than originally expected and now I have to order more to get me through this next week.  What was supposed to be an exciting day at the doctor, turned cold very quickly.

I have to say, it's SO scary to put EVERYTHING you have into something.  Either a miracle will occur or complete devastation.  That's a very hard risk to take.  We won't give up though.  We have to continue to move forward and believe in that miracle.  I keep asking myself...HOW today....how do you just let it all go and put all your faith, hopes and dreams into God's hands.  It's the scariest thing I've ever faced.  I've given my heart and soul to this one dream and today was the first day that I had to step back and realize that this will take a miracle to come true.  I do believe in miracles and that's why I'm going to keep proceeding down a very fragile and scary road.  I can't control the outcome, but I sure can do everything in my power to do all I can until then.  

I just ask for your prayers and support.  After today, I realize that this process is only going to get tougher.  We are doing our best to remain positive and hopeful.  My next appointment is Tuesday morning at 11:00.  Please pray that the follicles I have continue to grow and remain healthy.  The minimum they will proceed with is 5 and at least I have that right now.

We love you all so much!

Ang  and Josh  

More Good News!

My doctor just called with my blood work results. They are testing my hormonal levels. At my first appt last Thursday my number was 5 (which is extremely low), but they had me in a suppressed stage, which means that they didn't want my ovaries doing anything. By Monday (after 2 days on the stimulating meds), my number was 60 which was good that it had gone up, but my doctor was a little concerned and had me proceed on the high does of stimulating meds. Today, it's 363...Whoo! Hoo! What a blessing.....we want this number to continue to go up. It means that I have healthy follicles forming and growing. They are keeping me on my high dose of meds just to be safe. As I mentioned before, Sunday I will know just how many there will be to retrieve. Yippie! I couldn't ask for anything more right now.

Have a great evening!

Love ya!
Ang

Successful Appt

Hello Everyone - Today's appointment was a success! I now have 7 follicles between the 2 ovaries. Doc says there's still time for more to show. The good news is, the 7 that are there now are great in size and look really healthy. I have another appt on Sunday morning, so should know more then. The doc is going to keep me on my high dose of meds through Monday night. Thank you SO much for all of your prayers and support.....what we all have been doing this week has worked. Please continue to send your prayers for healthy follicles.

Tuesday is the BIG day. The doc will retrieve my eggs. Josh will make his contribution....and 3-5 days after that he will put 2-3 (hopefully) fertilized eggs in me. Then, it's a waiting game...that will be tough, but I've waited 3.5 years, I think I can wait 2 weeks! We are so very excited about our news today and can't wait for more good news on Sunday!

We love you all so much! I just want to again thank everyone for all of their support over the years. I truly cherish each of you. I'm so grateful to be where I'm at with each of you by my side. Knowing that I have your support no matter what happens means the world to me and I know regardless of the outcome this month, I will need you.

I may post again before Sunday, so keep checking.

Love you all so much!
Ang, Josh and Hunter

Waiting at Home Today!

Hunter and I are sitting at home waiting for more meds to arrive. They get shipped to me overnight from California and they must be refridgerated right away. We are having fun at home just relaxing and getting our new Apple Computer set-up.  It's so fun!  Have a great day!  Love, Ang, Josh and Hunter

Eggs, Eggs, Eggs.....

Good Morning Everyone! For those of you who came last night.....WOW, what an amazing night! Thank you so much for being a part of something so important and special to me. Looking around the room last night, I realized just how blessed I am to have each of you in my life. It was a powerful moment in time and now each of you are a part of this amazing process. Thank you again!

I went to my second IVF appt today. Nothing has really changed since my last Thursday appt. I still only have 5 egg follicles between the two ovaries. That's pretty low for my age, which explains why Josh and I haven't been successful over the years. That and the endomitriosis in my right ovary explains it all. My focus until my next doctors appt, which is Thursday at 8:45, is to pray for more eggs. I need each of you to use what we learned last night....the power of the women and send those vibes my way. My doctor is very hopeful that Thursday will bring good news and more eggs. He's keeping me on a very high dose of stimulating meds which should help to promote more follicles to grow. Josh and I are very hopeful as well and remain positive.

The theme this week is EGGS! Think of them often and direct your thoughts to ME. : )

Have a great week and I will post an update after my Thursday appt.

I love you!
Ang